hairbrained schemes

Higher Learning.

see also:  "How My Son Learned About Female Anatomy and Where The Birth Canal is Located"

Lucas has had ear issues since he was little. 

While camping with friends we discovered that he was only ignoring us 1/2 of the time.  The rest of the time he just didn't hear us (brought to my attention by a friend while I was shrieking lucas Lucas LUCAS! for the 482nd time that weekend, "Cheryl, I don't think he can hear you" ...lightbulb on).

Anyhoo, since then Lucas has endured many ear tests, 3 sets of tubes (the last ones being "permanent"), ear infections and much poking and prodding.  The boy has an insane pain threshold and the last couple of infections were not brought to our attention by pain or fever, but by stink. 

I recall with a shudder the moment we first noticed it. 

Sitting in the theatre room, hunkered down for a family movie.

Suddenly, the most heinous thick smell wafted around us.

I believe Jason and I noticed it first and immediately shot each other suspicious glances. (I'm not sure why he was looking at me, because as I'm sure most of you know girls don't fart, it was the cat).

We soon realized it was our youngest son's ear and once I finished diagnosing him myself on the internet we got him to the doctor and picked up yet another dose of antibiotics.

The stink ear has made an appearance once since then and thankfully we knew what it was, at first whiff, and had it taken care of.

Fast foward to last week.

Lucas begins to complain of ear pain. 

I was unsure whether he was serious because it coincided with Jacob going to a birthday party, which, in turn, usually coincides with Lucas coming down with some unknown ailment.

When he took me up on the proposed doctor visit, I knew he was in pain (fyi that is our standard response to whining about things like "my leg, my leg" when in fact there was no leg pain at all, the boy just liked to be carried from room to room).

Our family doctor is the most lovely lady.  She is kind and compassionate and we love her. 

She specializes in obstetrics and her office is decorated accordingly.

With things like posters.

Of women's reproductive systems.

The following conversation took place between 2:10 and 2:15.

L:  "Is that a poster of what we look like inside?"

Me: "Yup, well, that's a picture of how girls look inside"

L:  "What are those bumpy things?"

Me: "Ovaries" (thinking to self, DIVERT DIVERT)

L:  ponders a moment "What are they for?"

Me: "They make the eggs you need to make a baby" (hoping desperately that I'm right)

L: "Um. And then how does the baby get out?"

Me: (crap)  "Well, it comes down the birth canal"

L: (of course) "Where is that?" (now this was said with the hint of a smirk, I'm not saying he knew this already or that he knew that I was uncomfortable with the topic even though I was playing it ULTRA cool)

Me: "It's a special opening from the uterus to the vagina for babies to come out."

L:  "HORRIFIED AND AGHAST:  YOU MEAN WHERE YOU PEE??????"

Me: "No, close, but no." 

L:  ponders a bit more, "that's gross"

Me:  "No it isn't. It would be gross if the baby came out your nose." (note: when I said this, my emphasis was on YOUR, because Lucas has a cold right now and frankly, his nose is extra gross at the moment).

L:  "yah, that would be pretty gross too".

And that is how my son learned about birthin' babies.

The Big Surprise.

After joking about it for a long time, Dawn & I have decided to take our neurotic organizing to a professional level! Our homes are NOT perfect, but we have figured out that for us, and for most women, chaos & clutter is burdening & distracting.

We've got some good ideas that have worked for us in keeping a little more control, how to eliminate what we don't need in the house and how to find what we do!

We think we can help people who are struggling with clutter issues & disorganization, and we want people to be able to use their spaces well, and at the same time enjoy them and breathe without all the clutter!

We're really REALLY excited and will be helping our "debut" client next week... Mrs. Fern and her scrapbook room!

Thank you for your excitement... we hope to have our website up and running soon!
If you know someone who needs a room refreshing or rescue, thank you for passing our name along!

If you're curious... here's the scoop...

How it works?
It will be very case by case, but what we plan to do is... start with an in-home consultation ($50) where we look at the space and talk about what the client wants to achieve with it. From there we will provide 3 options for your project...

YOU DO IT: We’ll provide you with some written steps to tackle your particular project on your own. Sometimes, a little direction is all you need. (Free with consultation).

WE DO IT TOGETHER: We will prepare a plan with us leading you through the project. We’ll be on site to help sort, toss, tote, pack, organize, carry, clean... and keep you on track.

DREAM IT AND DONE: From paint to furniture, we work together to completely organize & refresh your space. Our philosophy is always to make the best use of your dollar, so even though this is a larger investment, we promise to find you the most economical way to get your dream done well. As part of your consultation fee, we'll give you a ball park cost, and if you'd like to pursue this project option, we will work with you on an itemized budget, then make sure all the pieces fall into place.


RATES
Consultation fee: $50 (will be applied as credit towards further Project Fees, should you have us come and work with you.)
Project fee: $50/hour for first 4 hours, $35/hour for additional hours.

Any storage units/bins, etc. are extra. We suggest you set a budget for those expenses as well.

And there you have it!

Kitty.

My Kitty is missing.

And as much as we joke and call her Stupidcat, I really miss her.

Luke is a Dangerous Criminal

(not to be confused with a Smooth Criminal) and is being held in a containment centre.

Jacob just shared this information with me.

My first thought : "Hey! Have they been watching 24 on the downlow?"

I think his MO is to distract you with the sheer size of his eyeballs and lack of bottom teeth and then commit the dangerous crimes. 

And while we are on the subject of his life of crime aka "why we do not consider him a smooth criminal", Lucas got busted thieving from his Gramma the other day.

Let me set the story up.

The Easter Bunny knew that Gramma would be with us for Easter morning and also knew that Gramma enjoyed a bit of white (gross, I know) chocolate.  So being a kind and benevolent rabbit, he left her a little white chocolate bunny on her bed.

Fast forward a few days. 

Unlike the rest of us (me) Gramma apparently possesses a little bit of self control and did not eat the white chocolate bunny in one sitting. 

Lucas was sent to his bedroom (where his grandparents were sleeping) to get ready for bed and I happened to peek in on the way down the hall.

There was my good little boy, eyes darting this way and that, scarfing down some of his Gramma's treat.

When he caught sight of my disbelieving gaze, in one fell swoop, he jumped (out of his skin), threw the remaining chocolate back on the dresser and said, "I didn't do anything".

I had to leave the room momentarily to compose myself (and I later had to re-enact the situation for Jason so he could appreciate the hilarity of the scene) and then returned and told my son that he now had to go tell his beloved Gramma what he had done.

Long story short, we made Lucas confess to his Gramma (and then had to remind Gramma that no, it wasn't okay, just because she felt bad for him, but that it was indeed a form of stealing and that you never go through people's things without their permission) which was probably the worst punishment we could have come up with.

The good news is the kid can't lie, so I'm pretty sure his life of crime will be petty at most.

Oh and the next day, Gramma split the remainder of her white chocolate bunny with the boys. 

So I'm pretty sure the lesson learned was, "Only steal from Gramma and then after your parents are out of the room she'll give you candy".

Class.

I'm sure some of you were expecting a diatribe about the depth of my classiness, but after my redneck post, I didn't think that would fly. 

So this is what Willis was talking about:

I took a class at the store last night that my friend, Andrea, taught.

Go check out her blog.  Her stuff is simply amazing. 

And she is one of the sweetest, most genuine people I know.

The sun is shining here, it's a gorgeous day, I have lifted the indefinite ban on gameboys for a 1/2 hour, so the boys are quiet and happy. 

We are heading over to the house to do a little work.  I'm on cleaning duty and the boys are on picking rocks off the drive way so everytime we go there it isn't a 4x4 experience to park near the house.

My brother in law is playing hockey in Summerland (aside: don't you love that name?  I would live there just for the name, I swear.) so we might take a drive up there and have a quick visit.

Jason and I had our first (what felt like a real) argument about the house yesterday (sconces aside).

About where to put the bathtub taps in the ensuite.

Important stuff, huh?

I'm just happy (and a little surprised) that we made it this far without any major fights. 

Good communication is a beautiful thing.

Things that make me want to say bad words.

• when my printer craps out and starts smearing black stuff all over my pages.  I want to say particularly bad words when I'm working on something that needs to be done as opposed to the sort of bad words when I'm working on something that I am doing for myself.
• when my happy go lucky child goes through a whiney argumentative phase
• when I run out of sugar free vanilla syrup for my coffee in the morning
• when my cute fat little dog chews up one of my shoes and then I yell at her and she looks like she wants to die from shame.  That makes me feel like saying bad words out of guilt.
• when I order something through a store and call two weeks later to see if it's in and the snippy little tart working there tells me "we don't order anything without you paying for it first" and "we don't have a record of you ordering it" which sends me into a tailspin of not being able to find a receipt, but thinking that I didn't pay for it, but if she says so, it must be true, and then finally after an hour of searching I check our credit card statements and find that I, in fact, did not pay for it and it never got ordered so in my fury I righteously claim, accompanied by a finger in the air that I will NEVER shop there again (even though I know I will)
• when certain husband type people, when left alone with the electrician to finish picking out where and what kind of lights will go in our new basement, picks 6 wall sconces and he knows that his wife type person hates wall sconces (aside: I shouldn't be bitching about this because that husband person has pretty much let me have my way for the entire house on matters such as this, and by letting me have my way it's kind of his fault because I didn't have to learn how to compromise and share and stuff.)

And to prove I'm not totally bitchy and whiney (maybe that's where my happy go lucky son picked that up. Note to self: Look into that.)

Things that don't make me want to say bad words.

• finding the item that was never ordered for me from above store for $25 cheaper and in stock at another store (in your face London Drugs).
• spending a really great day with Gorgeous George yesterday and finding out that his ankle is almost healed and is not going to snap off and leave him footless even though he's been (in my opinion) walking around way too much on it.
• knowing my mom is going to be here in a few days
• watching my currently whiney and argumentative child bust a move and give me a little preview of what I will see at the school this afternoon when the grade ones show us all the dances they've been learning the last couple of months (including, but not limited to, the YMCA, a Russian dance and an African dance.)
• the hilarity of trying on dad's clothes

• further hilarity of doing things like this (when you're supposed to be practicing guitar)

• meeting Perry and Shannon's adorable brand new baby, Rylan for the first time.
• Working on a "big surprise" with my friend, Dawn.
• finding this for potential dining room light for the house:

(I may have to change this one to the "bad word" section, depending on the price)

• and finally, finding these for the boys' new rooms at Costco for $45 each