hairbrained schemes

Christmas Eve Eve

The 23rd of December.

Festivus.

The holiday for the rest of us.

So raise the aluminum pole, ready your list of the Airing of Grievances (I have quite a few as you may imagine) and stay tuned for the Feats of Strength.

I think I have a shot at victory this year. 

Jason is out quadding, Lucas is sick and Jacob...well, you've seen the Gun Show.

There is a slight chance he could take me out with one of those elbows, but though I may look slow and sluggish, I think I could take him down first.

I am surprisingly ready for Christmas this year.

Don't get me wrong, I did leave everything until the last minute, as usual, but somehow I left it to exactly the right last minute, and every store, post office and coffee shop I happened through was not busy.

Which, sadly, encourages me to keep up my procrastinating ways.

I will leave you with a photo that I took of the boys the other day when we had our first big dump of snow.

They spent hours outside building a couple of forts which had complex names with words like "federation" and "colony" peppered throughout.  I glazed over after the first 15 minutes of explanation, but I did manage to get this cute picture of them without even having to threaten or cajole. 

Well, I might have cajoled a tad.

Professionalism at the workplace

So Dawn and I threw the Life Simplified staff Christmas party Friday night.

We treated the staff (us) and their spouses to dinner at the Blind Angler in Peachland (if you haven't been, go.)

The highlight of the evening was their signature carrot cake (which they sautee in butter and then drizzle - liberally, actually, drizzle might be the wrong word for it, let's go with dump - it with this lemony bit of heaven in a sauce).

The low point was trying to get a good picture of the staff spouses and getting this:

And this:

And this:

(this is where I believe they realized that no one else would be taking their tops off, so they had to make do. 

And I wonder why my kids can't behave when the camera comes out. 

It's all learned in the home.)

Next year we might just keep it to staff.

...like a sack of hammers...

I don't get why little boys can't understand that when the mom says something along the lines of...

"if you do this, then you will be allowed to do that"

(feel free to use the equation this=play outside with the dog/clean the litterbox/play with each other quietly for an hour, where that=get to play video games/computer/watch tv)

In this instance, the request was take the dog out without popping your cute little head in the door every 5 minutes to see if you can come in yet and you will get to play computer after.

Within 7 minutes, I hear screaming.

We have good windows in this house, if you were wondering what level of bloodcurdling of which I speak.

I follow through. 

I really do.

(see: gameboys confiscated in August and still being held in my custody)

So I can not fathom why they don't get this.

Long story short, both boys are now in the house NOT playing video games.

One is resigned and reading in his room.

The other weeping uncontrollably.

Which makes me want to ban video games/computer/tv for a month.

But I won't.

Because I learned a lesson myself, the hard way.

(see again: gameboys confiscated in August and still being held in my custody)

Should I Stay or Should I go?

I thought I would post a quick note here before my family drags me out into what quite possibly could be the last of me.

We are going with friends to go Christmas tree hunting today and it is below zero. 

I try not to leave my house when it is below zero.  Or even my bed, really.

We already have our Christmas tree. So we're going for the "fun". 

(frostbite and hypothermia - wheeeeeeeeee!)

Which is kind of a funny story. 

Kind of funny now.  Not so funny last Saturday.

We have very few traditions.

This saddens me. 

Not enough to do too much about it, but there are a couple of things that I feel quite strongly about come the Yuletide season.

One:  not baking until the last minute and then binging after the family is in bed.

Two: Quesidillas for dinner on Christmas Eve followed by a viewing of "A Christmas Story".

Three: going to the Honey Hut tree farm to get our tree.

Last Saturday we were supposed to do the latter. 

I won't go into details about how my entire family whined and dragged their feet around resisting this lovely family tradition I was cruelly trying to impose on them.  But use your imagination. 

So instead, mommy threw a tantrum, cried (mature, huh?) and we ended up going to a nursery and buying our tree.

I recall something similar happening last year over a lack of enthusiasm for Christmas tree decorating fun...

Maybe I should add that to our list of traditions.

I've kind of been on the fence with this blog thing.

Obviously it's not a priority right now, but I'm not quite ready to shut it down.

So I will try to be more diligent and post here more than once every couple of months.

If I make it back alive.

The Good, The Bad, The Deep Fried.

Cool weather camping (I'm saying "cool" because I know some of my hardcore camping friends will scoff at my description of effin' cold, but believe you me, it was effin' cold) is something that I have resisted for the last 37 years.

Last weekend I cleaned and packed the trailer (which I haven't really wanted to set foot in since we half lived in it last June while our house was being finished) and off we toodled to Sugar Lake. 

Upon arrival I had a serious "stay away from the lake you only have 2 more pairs of pants" conversation with the boys.

Thirteen minutes later Lucas was standing in front of me soaking wet.

Surprised? 

I thought not. 

I wasn't either. 

Luckily, the most apt consequence for this act of stupidity  defiance  falling in the lake happened upon us quite by accident.

I had packed an extra pair of shoes for both boys, but sadly for Lucas, the pair that I packed for him consisted of a size 1 left Pokemon shoe and a size 3 left Spiderman shoe (he is currently a size 12). 

Accidental, but fitting. 

So Mr. Worried About How I Look had to schlep around the campsite in two very floppy left shoes.

And they were velcro closing, which is a whole other shameful thing according to the Book of Luke.

When the stars align, all is right with the world, and the punishment magically fits the crime, it makes me so happy to be a mom.

Other highlights of the weekend were, in no particular order:

Av crawling in bed with me in the morning after we'd dressed the kids and shoed them out the door and my sweet husband making and bringing us coffee.

Cheesies up the nose. 

I don't think I have to elaborate on that particular activity.

Deep fried turkey aka Paradise Found.

The best thing about camping other than the food?

The campfire.

The worst thing about camping other than the weight gain?

The campfire smell when you walk in the house after you get home.

The scavenger hunt I printed off the computer as Gorgeous George was sitting in the truck, ready to go, mentally honking the horn at me. 

I thought it would buy the moms an hour of peace when the dads were out atv-ing.  I made a crucial error in judgement by telling the kids that if they couldn't find the item (I was talking mostly about the deer and lizard that were listed) that they could get creative and draw a picture of the item.

The kids (who are as competitive as their mothers) found that drawing was WAY quicker than actually hunting for and finding, so sadly the hunt was over in about 10 minutes.

When I hear people say they live in God's country, they are sorely mistaken.

Because this is it.

Skills.

Something I could be better at:

Remembering to don the Tooth Fairy hat before I go to bed when my older sons rips a tooth from the mouth of my younger son.

Something I am pretty good at:

Walking into my craftroom early the next morning, seeing the $2 and the big reminder note that says TF (that's my super secret code for Tooth Fairy) on it in front of my computer, grabbing the money and racing back upstairs hoping that my youngest son (who the night before was obsessing about how the tooth fairy FORGOT last time and it took TWO DAYS to get his money) was not awake, screeching around the corner to his room, and upon realizing that he was indeed awake, doing an impromptu dive-turned-good morning-hug onto his bed while simultaneously sliding my hand under his pillow, grabbing the envelope with tooth and shoving it down the back of my pajamas and using my other hand to slide the money under his pillow.

AND THEN, casually walking out of the room as I see him start to slip his hand under the pillow and act shocked to hear that when he checked a few minutes ago the tooth was still there and now there was money.

I also excel at the run on sentence.

It's a gift.

Educational TV.

I try to mostly watch shows that are going to better me.

Programming that teaches, opens my mind, makes me think.

So on Sunday, while I was lying in bed in the afternoon watching My Super Sweet Sixteen and recovering from our antics the night before (a 37 year old woman should not attempt the splits in high heels unless she is still attending gymnastics on at least a semi-regular basis) wondering at the super overinflated sense of self these young women seem to possess, I learned something.

A new verb.

Crunk.

As in, "this party I'm having is going to be CRUNK"

Crunk.

I like it.

I don't think it would be too lame to try to fit that into my everyday vocabulary.

I did miss the whole "my bad, bling bling, it's off the hook" craze.

And with that, I have to run, I need to catch up on my current events and The Daily Show is starting momentarily.

And as we all know, that show is crunk.

Disco Inferno.

One of my biggest faults, in my opinion, is that I am not spontaneous. 

In fact, I can be quite pouty when things do not go exactly according to my plan. (hard to believe, I know, but I'm sure Gorgeous George and my mom will be commenting on this post to back that up).

Some might even call it anal, I prefer to call it knowing what I want...sure of myself...focused. (Dad, I'm finally understanding the whole frugal/cheap thing...it's all about perspective).

In addition to lacking spontaniety I am also quite lazy.  If an event or gathering seems like too much work, I usually will opt out if possible.

However, I am also a sucker for a good costume party. 

And I like boobs.

Which leads me to the point of this post. 

Saturday night my friends talked me into attending a local Breast Cancer Fundraiser called the Pink Party.  It is a Ladies Only event put on by a local resort.  Well, there were some boys there who I'm sure were really cute under their afros and bad 70's porn mustaches. (I did mention it was a 70's themed costume party, right?)  And the fact that they were bringing us drinks and serving us food always ups the cuteness factor a notch or two.

I resisted going to this party until I joined my friend, Nicole, at Value Village and we spent 3 hours trying on bell bottoms, an array of brightly patterned polyester and platform shoes.

By then I was hooked.

We managed to find 4 fairly matchy costumes and went as Diana Ross & the Supremes (my apologies to Diana Ross & the Supremes), who may have actually been more of 60's divas, but we are more about having fun than being historically accurate.  It's just how we roll.

It ended up being one of the most hilariously fun nights I've had in ages. 

I am still waiting for pictures from the actual party (and videos.  There may be a video floating around out there of me hula hooping and possibly doing the splits.  And there is definitely video of Nicole doing the running man.  Which again, not historically accurate, but by that time she had exhausted all her disco moves.)

Here are a couple of pictures of us before we hit the party, while our wigs were still straight and our shoes were still on.

And yes.  We all had wig envy.

How?

How did summer go by so fast? (I'm sure it wasn't the magaritas)

How did we end up with the only finished room in the house being Gorgeous George's theatre room?

How does someone that looks as youthful as myself have  children in grade 2 and grade 4?

(And how is it that I forgot what a brutal haircut Lucas got at the beginning of summer and didn't take the measures to have it corrected before school started?)

How does Lucas weigh 50 lbs one day, go down to 30 lbs the next and then back up to 50 lbs the day after that?  (he has theorized that it was because he used the washroom before he did his 2nd weigh in. I'm skeptical).

(I won't post a photo here for obvious reasons)

How did I gain almost 10 lbs in two months? (again, definitely not the margaritas and again, not posting pictures for obvious reasons)

How is it that the last time I wrote here was over a month ago?

(Procrastination, baby.  Procrastination.)

Random Update

aka Stuff I've been wanting to share, but haven't quite got around to.

Last weekend we hosted the weekly margarita party and introduced our friends to Guitar Hero II. 

I think the girls were more into it than anyone, the fact that they both confessed that they dreamt about the notes flying at them kind of gave that away. 

I'm not going to outright accuse my friends of being competitive. 

But as they say, the proof is in the pudding.  Or the pictures as it may be. 

Av swears the literal leg up, gives her that figurative leg up.

Nic uses her rock'n'roll hair to her advantage.

Me, painfully aware that the camera is focused on me.

Gabe tries to psych Don out, but his intensity(?) prevails.

Gorgeous George happily aware that the camera is once again focused on him. 

All him.

The following night we all got babysitters and went out for dinner in Peachland at the Gausthaus.

They have an honest to goodness medieval fest there, where you can dress up and eat a whole lotta meat.  I'm definitely a carnivore, but I'm not sure my love of the meat would be up to that meal.

The kitties are still hiding under our bed.

They do come out at night.

Coincidentally after the boys are in bed.

You do the math.

Thing One:

Thing Two:

Thing Two looking particularily mean and cranky.

(Bella is cowering on the floor in the fetal position) 

 

Some scrapbooky stuff I've done lately:

And finally, under the category of "stuff I bought while waiting for other stuff"