hairbrained schemes

at last...

my love has come along...

and dragged me and my 2nd born (my 2nd born and I?) on a freakin' 2 hour hike straight up a mountain strewn with rock piles that look suspiciously like snake houses and poop that looks suspiciously MUCH bigger than normal deer poop (I'm thinking genetically enhanced deer or moose...and I'm thinking it's mating season, so whatever it was is probably ticked off and/or horny)

When we finally got to the top, probably covered with ticks that are yet to be found, we took the requisite "holy crap, we made it and Lucas only fell 4 times and didn't even draw (much) blood" photos, which look a lot like this:

(the rabbit ears are a payback for all the photos that child has ruined by rabbit earring me behind my back)

Imagine the intense shame I felt upon viewing this photo and realizing that for the first time in our 14 years together Gorgeous George did NOT pull a stupid face for a photo.

This one cracked me up. 

There's Waldo in the background, doing what he does best wreaking havoc and having a good time doing it.

And also cracking me up, upon viewing this one GG looks at me with a slightly concerned look on his face and asks, "Does this picture make me look bald?"

Now back to the regularly scheduled program...

First of all, I would like to announce the winners for the Quick & Easy Issue

(please insert "that's how I like'em joke" here - wacka wacka...)

I finally got to use the Random Integer generator because I had more than 3 people to choose from.

 

True Random Number Service

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

28
21

Timestamp: 2009-04-30 02:46:01 UTC

Which by my calculations (and I do hope my math is correct) means the winners are:

Rose

and

Jennifer Sizemore

Congrats ladies,it is a great little idea book!

I've been looking through all my Simple layouts and picked a couple more to share today.

This one is a lift from the uber-talented and lovely Candice Palmer and the journaling was copied, and slightly edited and pasted straight from this blog.

I also have a few little prizey give-aways for today, I'm just waiting for the photo of them to upload. 

Which might take awhile.

In addition to climbing Mount Everest Boucherie today I also went on a field trip to an old Ranch about an hour from here and took about 120 photos which are in queue before the little prizey give-aways. 

Sorry.

But think of it as Vegas, baby, and you just pulled the arm on the nickel machine.

Also, check out these lovelies if you haven't already today:

Elisha Snow

Rebecca Cooper

Marnie Flores

Now I have a hot date with the boob tube and Gorgeous George.

See you tomorrow.

bad to the bone

A Short Dialogue About Bad Things Happening to (mostly) Good People

Setting: in the car after school

Cast of Characters: Lucas (who is simply trying to get a little attention away from his brother who just scored 51/51 on a The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe test and is gloating and high fiving himself just a touch too much to the smaller brother's liking) and me.

Lucas:  So yah, today in gym?  You know those scoop thingies?  And those balls with the holes in them?

Me: Wiffle balls?

Lucas: Yah!  Those.  Well, I got hit REALLY HARD - right in the cheek by one...and then when this nice girl in my class was helping me, Morgan hit me AGAIN, right in the eye.

(slight aside:  the child in question spends a whole lotta time in the "office" from getting hurt, hurt on the playground, hurt in gym, hurt while walking to the library...")

Me: Did you cry?

Lucas: Yup.

Me: Did you go to the office?

Lucas: Yup.

Me: Hmmmm...are there a lot of kids that get hurt as much as you do?

Lucas: Nope.

Me: Why do you think that is?

Lucas: (without skipping a beat)  Probably karma.

Me: (stifling laughter) Really?  Do you know what karma is?

Lucas: Yup, you do bad things, bad things happen to you.

Me:  Wow.  You must do a lot of bad things.

Lucas: Well, I do some bad things, but not as many bad things as bad things happen to me.

I guess that depends on who you are asking.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I have 2 extra copies of the Simple Scrapbooks Quick and Easy Photo Albums special issue to give away.  If you're interested, leave a comment with your name and I will announce the winners in a few days! 

Couple of little card sets - the first one is American Crafts - love their coordinated lines, the second is Crate paper.  I've been making cards and keeping them in a basket on in my craftroom because it always seems when I need a card for a birthday or whatever I don't have one. 

here I go again

I can't help myself.

Right now they can't catch me.

In fact, I'm pretty sure at the end, right after the "GET HER!!!" shorty had a big crash.

I also know what goes around comes around.

I also am pretty sure that in a few short years, that will be me on the side of the hill in a pile sporting a face full of snow.

But right now, it's totally worth it.

Deep down, I think I'm a little more like Gorgeous George than I'd like to admit.

Get your skis shined up, grab a stick of juicy fruit...

Is this going to be about skiing?
(which we have actually done quite a lot of over the last few weeks and I'm sad to say I am the last non-snowboarder in the house)

No.

About gum then?
(Santa brought the boys a Hubba Bubba book this Christmas instead of a Lifesaver book, much to Luke's great surprise and joy and I believe he had his way chewed through that entire book in about 43 minutes)

No.

This is going to be about comic books.

Specifically, comic books written and illustrated by 10 year old boys.

Complete with an "about the author" addendum on the back page.
(Author:  Jacob O
Age: 10
Food: Tacos
Drink: pop
Sport: soccer
Computer: Pirates online
Subject: PE
Best friends: Sky & Brady)

The only thing lacking was a posed photo of him on a hillside, with a book and his dog.
(Here's the best I can do - it's too freakin' cold out to get the hillside shot.  And the dog is too lazy to get up and pose for a photo (again...all learned in the home...)

This particular comic book was written with the help of his friend, Brady.  I should clarify and state now that this was actually a series of comic books. 

They are based (very) loosely on the Veggie Tales movies (and by "based on", I mean the only thing they really have in common was that the lead characters were fruits and vegetables).

 Jacob was in charge of developing the vegetable characters and story lines (they were the "good guys") and Brady the fruits (the "bad guys" - which in retrospect, considering the loathing we hold for most foods green in this house, that should have been the opposite.  But then, perhaps I am just not digging deep enough into the complexity of these writings). 

Now all that was simply to lay the context for this conversation in the car on the way to school:

Jake: I can't wait to see Brady's section of our comic book.  It is going to be AWESOME!... It was pretty violent though (shudders a bit)

Luke: With (wider than usual) eyes and a little gulp of fearful excitement "Is there blood?"

Jake: In a completely matter of fact tone, replies, "No blood........just juice".

This is the same kid who on more than one occasion has had "creative writing" sent home with sub par marks due to lack of creativity.

 

I only want to be with you...

I guess I should be thankful these people that I live with (and their little dog, too!) just want to be near me. 

Where: my craftroom

What: trying to "get away from it all"

Who: Gorgeous George & friend

Why: because I'm awesome (I can't think of any other reason because, frankly, we have many other more comfortable napping places in our house)

As you can see, Bella has always been a bit of a floozy.  

My friend, Dawn, says it's all learned in the home.

And with that, I will segue seamlessly into a page I did the other day....

I think Dawn may be right.

Thank God I'm a Country Boy

Dear Mom,

 (I will address this to you as I'm sure you're the only person who has the tenacity to keep checking my poor forgotten woeful little blog),

As you may know, I like to use song titles for my blog titles.

You may wonder why I chose this particular one, as a) you know, having given birth to me, that I am, indeed, a girl and b) what?

I chose it because it is the first thing in 2009 that I was simultaneously able to annoy my entire family with.

I have what I like to refer to as eclectic taste in music.

I have what my husband likes to call, pardon his french, shitty taste in music.

(coming from someone who feels filled with joy when listening to "bands" like Disturbed - swear to God - that is a indirect quote- I believe the direct quote was "Is it weird that music like that makes me feel overwhelmingly happy?" - I don't give his opinion on that subject a whole lot of thought.  Oh and answer? Yes. It's weird. You need help that you clearly will never seek which is why my IPOD will always beat yours to the plug in jack in my car.)

As usual, I digress...

back to me finding a fun way to annoy the rest of the people that live in my house.

Insert IPOD into dock

search for John Denver or something similar (which conversely fills my husband with, not joy, but rage. And that's a direct quote. Seriously. Need therapy much?)

Turn it Loud (just like the Headpins did in the 80's, which, by the way, is another kick ass tune I have in my file, that while it doesn't make GG fill with rage, does in fact, make him roll his eyes)

Break out in my best (which is frankly, not very good) running man.

Do a running commentary about how good I am at the running man, exaggerating words like AWESOME, RAD, SWEET and WICKED (this part of the act is done to annoy the boys, who are more visually stimulated than their father, which means I also have to yell WATCH ME every few seconds).

So, mother dearest, perhaps next time my father's solitaire clickingclickingclicking starts to get on your last nerve, unclench your jaw, turn on some music that he hates and bust out your best dance moves.

Works for me.

xoxo

YLD

.........................................................

PS Here's some stuff I did this week.

 

 

can't get enough of your love

So I guess I've hit the big times.

I got this thinly veiled threat in my email the other day:

 

"where's my blog?? I'm about to take you off of my favorites!! and you don't want that!!! wacka wacka!!!"

It was from a guy called "loverboy" who happens to look just like this hot mess below and happens to have access to my email account (among other things):

Handsome, no?

Wacka wacka is defined in part by the Urban Dictionary as:

expression used to refer to a sexual act, especially when you want to be ambiguous.

The other day the boys were sitting at the kitchen table and Jacob said something and followed it up with an impressive one eyebrow raise (which, by the way, is on my bucket list and I am practicing it as I type) and a "wacka wacka" out of the side of his mouth. 

He kind of paused and then asked, "what does that mean anyway?"

Lucas pipes up, "I'm not sure what it means, but dad always says it right before he pinches mom's bum".

So, there's your blog Gorgeous George.

Kisses,

YLW

Kumbaya

I'm back.

They say 3 time's the charm (I'm sure I heard somebody say that...), so this is my last attempt to stay current.

I'm going to pretend I haven't not posted since April do a quick recap on the boys' first summer camp experience, also known as, "this one time, at Bible Camp"...

• Jacob now knows what "camel toe" means (inappropriate female wedgie - which is an apt description, but still one that I would rather my 10 year old didn't know)
• Both boys have new nicknames, Jacob is known as "Sticks"  (check out the pipes on that boy)

• Lucas goes by Werewolf (because he is hairy, has fangs and runs and jumps really fast). 
  Who knew?
• The correct name is actually "The Book of Genesis", not to be confused with "The Book of Genitals" which is an entirely different thing.
• When your mom is not around to nag, one shower in an entire week is perfectly acceptable.  Particularly if you are sleeping in a cabin with 9 other similarly stanky boys. 
• Brushing your teeth is also optional (see above)
• Lucas would be happy to pack up his belongings and move to Bible Camp for the entire summer.  He did not miss us and informed me upon my arrival to pick him up that he wanted to stay.  AND there was no reason that he couldn't stay, because he already asked the camp leader and they said it was A-OK with them (at $200 a week, yah, I guess it would be okay with them)
• Jacob missed us terribly and when I jokingly told him that we missed them so much I just about came 3 days early to pick them up, he hugged me tighter and whispered in my ear, "I would have come home with you, mom"

So on the whole, it was a positive experience for all involved.

Well, maybe we could have done without the camel toe thing, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to come up with such a concise and to the point definition, so, in retrospect maybe that worked out pretty well, too.

Loves me like a Rock

When I was a little boy, (when I was just a boy)
And the devil would call my name (when I was just a boy)
I'd say now who do,
Who do you think your'e fooling? (when I was just a boy)
I'm a consecrated boy (when I was just a boy)
I'm a singer in a sunday choir
Oh, my mama loves, she loves me
She get down on her knees and hug me
Like she loves me like a rock
She rocks me like the rock of ages
And loves me
She love me, love me, love me, love me

That is the first part of a song by Paul Simon.

This is the version my son sings:

When I was a little boy, (when I was just a boy)
And the devil would call my name (when I was just a boy)
I'd say now who do,
Who do you think you're fooling? (when I was just a boy)
I'm a constipated boy (when I was just a boy)
I'm a singer in a sunday choir
Oh , my mama loves, she loves me
She get down on her knees and hug me
Like she loves me like a rock
She rocks me like the rock of ages
And loves me
She love me, love me, love me, love me

This version made for much laughter in the car every day of last week. (and it made me thankful that we don't use cassette tapes anymore, rewinding that many times would be quite time consuming.)

After singing it for the first time, Jake asked me if I knew what constipation was.

Sadly, after giving birth to two children, I know it well.

Then he shared with me that his buddy, Brady, had just told him what it was (*whispering* it's when you can't poooooooo *insert more laughter and happy tears*)

Naturally, I had to ask how this came up in conversation and he said, "Well, you know when we rode our bikes to the corner store the other day (that was part two in my Journey to Severing the Umbilical Cord), we were just talking about poo and other funny stuff and it came up".

Of course you were and of course it did.

Enough poo talk. 

I first want to apologize for taking so long to update (I'm certain those of you who commented on my last post have been waiting with bated breath.  uh huh.)

After much thought and consideration, the boys and I have collectively decided that Carla's theory on the reason behind the ever disintigrating underpants is both the funniest and probably the most close to the truth.

In our family at least.

Land of Confusion

As many of us have discovered, when you become a parent, there is no handbook. 

There are definitely people with opinions and ideas (some of which may be thrust at you over and over and over again until you want to punch those people square in the throat), but no handbook.

There are things I knew I would have to teach my children.

• good table manners (we're still working on that)
• how picking a pee tree and doing the deed au natural when camping is a much different thing than doing it at the park
• when you are old enough to answer the phone always remember to say hello, just standing there and breathing heavily is not really an acceptable method of greeting

But there are also things that I did not know would come up.

This week it was round two of underwear ettiquette.

Lesson one last was last summer:  (the rise and fall of Captain Underpantsless)

Lucas and I were shopping and I remembered that once again the boys needed new underwear. 

(aside:  how the heck do you wear out underpants? I am honestly baffled and would like to know)

So we picked a couple of packages and Lucas naturally gravitated towards the one with the pair of camo ones nestled between the grey and black pairs.

(I think he just thought he was thinking ahead to the fact that with camo underpants he would be able to flout the "One Aricle of Camo Clothing at a Time" rule I had to impose last year.)

Anyway, as soon as we got home, he ran upstairs to try on his new underwear. (He really can be a strange child at times).

When he came down later, strutting around, I noticed the front of his new gear looked like (excuse my indelicacy, but this phrase really sums up the look he was sporting) someone had dumped a load in the front of them.

He walked over and said, these underwear are kind of uncomfortable, mom, they go up my bum in the back...like those weird ones you wear.

He did a catwalk spin for me to show the offending bum creepers and that is when I noticed he had them on backwards.

I did take pictures.  But I also promised him that I wouldn't show anyone. 

So for now, I will just put them in the "future blackmail" file I have stored on my hard drive.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I also have an extra issue of the May/June Simple Scrapbooks magazine up for grabs. 

Simple Scrapbooks

It's kind of an exciting one for me, I was assigned all the bucket openers for this issue.  And if you're like me and have no idea what "bucket openers" means (I just learned it a couple of months ago) it means I was assigned to do the layouts for the opening page of each section of the magazine. 

So, if anyone can tell me how boys are able to wear out their underwear in under 6 months, this issue is all yours.